I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
