Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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