I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
