mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
