At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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