I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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