1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you would pick up someone in the library
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
