Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
