I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congratulations! We have a period
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