Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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