I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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