The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
