and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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