i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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