Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
