I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
