please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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