Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
