Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
