After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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