Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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