2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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