that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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