omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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