Are we in a gay sports bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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