My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize