hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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