you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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