is your mom at the bar?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
