his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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