I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
