dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
