shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a search helicopter?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
