Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
