Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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