How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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