I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
