I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Houston, we have a blender
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
