I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's like heaven, but drunker
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize