It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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