Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
