Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize