Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
