I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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