She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
