Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
