so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
