I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
