you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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