When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
