i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
