Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
