I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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