rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
