i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
