I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
