He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
