it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
