Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
