And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize