and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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