rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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