Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
