Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
